YOU'VE DONE IT!!!!
7 months ago
– Mon, Mar 18, 2024 at 10:12:33 PM
"Ahem!" coughed the sword's voice in my head.
...
"Sir, wake up!"
...
"Sir... ALTON WAKE UP!" it shouted.
"Mmm... w... wha? Is there a fire??" I groggily started coming to my senses from a deep sleep.
"Sir, wake up! It's done!"
"Done? What's done, Heinrich? Did I leave something in the oven?" I started to panic.
"If I had a face I'd palm it, sir. Nothing's in the oven. It's the Kickstarter, sir, it's funded!!"
"IT IS?? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, HEINRICH??" I cried, suddenly wide awake.
"I was trying to, sir. You know how you sleep after one of your drinking games with Krieg."
"Ouch... yeah... my head hurts. But HEY! The Kickstarter funded! My memoirs are finally going to be in a REAL book! YIPPEEE!" I cheered.
"Indeed, sir. Yippees all 'round." said Heinrich, in his usual laconic tone.
"So... now what? I guess I should write an update to all the backers and thank them for it, eh?"
"That would be prudent, sir. You couldn't have done it without them. Literally."
"You're RIGHT! They're pretty awesome, my fans. Can't blame them for wanting the book, really, seeing how great a chef I am and all. But they really do deserve some thanks."
"If I had eyes, I'd be rolling them, sir."
"Oh, shut up, Heinrich! Oh, and you know what?" I asked.
"What, sir?"
"As a thank you, we'll extend the early-bird rewards to ALL those who backed the campaign until now, even though it's been longer than 48 hours. Stickers, coasters, and free chapters for EVERYONE! What do you think about that?" I asked proudly.
"Very magnanimous of you, sir. You're a paragon of generosity."
"I am? Oh, yes, of course I am." I narrowed my eyes at the rapier, that looked rather smug at the moment, hanging there from one of the bedposts.
"Hmm... I should probably also tell them how exciting this is, and ask them to share the Kickstarter with all their friends and communities, so that we could unlock some of those nifty stretch goals!"
"Nifty, sir?"
"YES! So it'll say something like 'Hey there, my cheeky wee appetizers, look! We did it! The book is funded! And it's all THANKS TO YOU!! You all get some awesome stuff! Oh, and we're only $500 from the first stretch goal, so please, go share the campaign with everyone you know so that we can make the book even tastier!"
"That'll do, sir. It's downright poetic."
"You think so? Thanks!"
"Get back to bed, sir. You can deal with it in the morning."
"Good idea! Good night, Heinrich!!"
"Sweet dreams, sir."